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Literature Text
Close became
closer
When I was the only one
there
It started a
pattern
Late nights and
laughs
Sometimes not so
funny
Then a pathetic excuse for a heat
wave
Hit hard, and it wasn't so
daily
Sure, easy words
flew
Tapped away by quick, nimble
fingers
Trailing strings from the
screen
That made us oh so
tangled
Then I left and keyboards were a
constant
I would do
things
Just to tell you about
it
Then, one late
night
When some horror flick of
werewolves
Was playing in unrecognizable
Spanish
You asked a
question
Hesitant and obviously failing to segue into
another
I egged you on, and you
told
Me a truth, something so
daring
Something so amazing that
I
Was practically
floored
Of course I said
yes
My first
yes
I can't be sure of what my feelings
were
I've never really felt them
before
At least, not
these
Feelings, for I've battled
through
Plenty of others
before
But we
talked
And I said I'd be
honest
True to a
fault
You agreed, playing out
words
Promising effort and
love
But, but for that
night
I was the only to
mention
What we had between
us
And when I
returned
Flown back to familiar
ground
I tried with the
determination
Of tempting harpies to see
you
Though maybe I was lacking the first
quality
For all your reclusive
cred
Confirmed by other
long
Time friends, I
worried
There was a reason you
were
Avoiding
me
And it ate me away
slowly
Another night
came
Playing an Italian
man
Of action and
pain
Assassin by name and
entertainment
For my Father and
I
We were texting in long
video
Sequences of my game, then you told me
you
Had to say something, and
I
Urged you to
finish
And now that I
think
It was oddly reminiscent of another
night
Of course you
did
The honesty between us
unbreakable
I deserved better, she said, and
she
Could never give me what
I
Wanted, you see, and
she
Praised all my
qualities
While saying that any
relationship
Would never sit well with her,
ever
Of course I
understand
Of course I still
do
We had agreed that
if
We had made a mistake, we
could
Fall back, leaves from a
friendly
Tree, to close
comrades
She blamed herself, telling
me
That the fault never
lay
With me, even
so
I still can't help but
bemoan
What I
jokingly
Can call a summer time
fling
We still
talk
We still
enjoy
Each other, nothing has really
changed
I don't feel as though I've
lost
Anything, but that feels
wrong
Shouldn't this
hurt
More, shouldn't it
ache
And then I find
myself
Feeling unbelievably
undesirable
Thoughts the product
of
An overactive
worrying
Machine of
me
I don't know if I would call this a
relationship
I don't know what to
classify
This is as at
all
But I only hope
that
Someone will find me
likable
Someone will find me
enjoyable
And I hope that I will
too
Or, at least, that
this
Experience of strange
relations
Hasn't scared me to the
point
Where I'll avoid any
kind
Of approach, and
maybe
The best solution
would
Be to try again, and do it
soon
closer
When I was the only one
there
It started a
pattern
Late nights and
laughs
Sometimes not so
funny
Then a pathetic excuse for a heat
wave
Hit hard, and it wasn't so
daily
Sure, easy words
flew
Tapped away by quick, nimble
fingers
Trailing strings from the
screen
That made us oh so
tangled
Then I left and keyboards were a
constant
I would do
things
Just to tell you about
it
Then, one late
night
When some horror flick of
werewolves
Was playing in unrecognizable
Spanish
You asked a
question
Hesitant and obviously failing to segue into
another
I egged you on, and you
told
Me a truth, something so
daring
Something so amazing that
I
Was practically
floored
Of course I said
yes
My first
yes
I can't be sure of what my feelings
were
I've never really felt them
before
At least, not
these
Feelings, for I've battled
through
Plenty of others
before
But we
talked
And I said I'd be
honest
True to a
fault
You agreed, playing out
words
Promising effort and
love
But, but for that
night
I was the only to
mention
What we had between
us
And when I
returned
Flown back to familiar
ground
I tried with the
determination
Of tempting harpies to see
you
Though maybe I was lacking the first
quality
For all your reclusive
cred
Confirmed by other
long
Time friends, I
worried
There was a reason you
were
Avoiding
me
And it ate me away
slowly
Another night
came
Playing an Italian
man
Of action and
pain
Assassin by name and
entertainment
For my Father and
I
We were texting in long
video
Sequences of my game, then you told me
you
Had to say something, and
I
Urged you to
finish
And now that I
think
It was oddly reminiscent of another
night
Of course you
did
The honesty between us
unbreakable
I deserved better, she said, and
she
Could never give me what
I
Wanted, you see, and
she
Praised all my
qualities
While saying that any
relationship
Would never sit well with her,
ever
Of course I
understand
Of course I still
do
We had agreed that
if
We had made a mistake, we
could
Fall back, leaves from a
friendly
Tree, to close
comrades
She blamed herself, telling
me
That the fault never
lay
With me, even
so
I still can't help but
bemoan
What I
jokingly
Can call a summer time
fling
We still
talk
We still
enjoy
Each other, nothing has really
changed
I don't feel as though I've
lost
Anything, but that feels
wrong
Shouldn't this
hurt
More, shouldn't it
ache
And then I find
myself
Feeling unbelievably
undesirable
Thoughts the product
of
An overactive
worrying
Machine of
me
I don't know if I would call this a
relationship
I don't know what to
classify
This is as at
all
But I only hope
that
Someone will find me
likable
Someone will find me
enjoyable
And I hope that I will
too
Or, at least, that
this
Experience of strange
relations
Hasn't scared me to the
point
Where I'll avoid any
kind
Of approach, and
maybe
The best solution
would
Be to try again, and do it
soon
Well... I don't know if this can be called poetry. But, really, it's just a way to get some feelings out in an actual form that makes sense - and isn't just bouncing around my head, continuing to bruise.
This person, I know I still love her. Well, not as in, we've broken up and I'm still head over heels. I just know that I want her to continue to be in my life and always take care of her as I can.
As she's asexual and I'm assuredly not (though I appreciate the reasoning of it, and adapt some of its qualities like I do as a Christian admiring Buddhism teachings) we knew there would be some interesting interactions with that. We had agreed to work it through, but, it seems that even the idea of relationship for her was too much, at this time. Maybe it will always be. I couldn't say for sure.
And... well, only one person outside the relationship knew that it even happened, so it's not like I can talk about it to anyone without having to deal with the explaining of, well, everything. Plus, since it's already over, it doesn't seem like it would make any sense to do that.
The idea of being in a relationship.... It was amazingly comforting. Here's the thing; the feeling was there. Maybe it wasn't love at first sight, but it was as if, yeah, I could see myself spending long hours with this person and growing closer and closer in that couple-y way. At the same time, we can also stay great friends. Maybe that's just because we're both that kind of individual that has that understanding ability to just agree and move on. I would never want to see her gone from my life, anyway.
But, since I never actually saw her from the time she asked me out to the time we broke up (not for lack of trying) I'm not really sure if I should consider this a proper relationship or not. And, if this wasn't an actual, bonafide couple relation, what is it actually like? It's like I've had my first taste of pasta, been told it was fake, and now want some more. I would love to get into another relationship with someone I feel very comfortable with and actually spend face to face time with them.
Then again, that's thinking something I hate - lots of my friends are in love with the idea of having a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and don't actually seem to look for a person to feel love towards. I've never had such a desire to be IN A RELATIONSHIP until now, and it's quite... annoying, trying to figure out how to deal with that. And, considering I don't have many bi friends, I guess I have a little foot up on them in the fact that I'd date either a guy or a girl... though, that's more a thought to make me laugh than actually be serious.
Well, regardless, there's my little moment of pure uncertainty on a page. If anyone wants to comment, note or whatever, either to commiserate or slap me upside the proverbial head, that'd be cool.
(I don't know if I've said all I wanted to say, in the poem, or in this author's comment, but... it'll have to do, because I don't know how to formulate the rest of the lost words floating in the darkened swamp of my mind.)
This person, I know I still love her. Well, not as in, we've broken up and I'm still head over heels. I just know that I want her to continue to be in my life and always take care of her as I can.
As she's asexual and I'm assuredly not (though I appreciate the reasoning of it, and adapt some of its qualities like I do as a Christian admiring Buddhism teachings) we knew there would be some interesting interactions with that. We had agreed to work it through, but, it seems that even the idea of relationship for her was too much, at this time. Maybe it will always be. I couldn't say for sure.
And... well, only one person outside the relationship knew that it even happened, so it's not like I can talk about it to anyone without having to deal with the explaining of, well, everything. Plus, since it's already over, it doesn't seem like it would make any sense to do that.
The idea of being in a relationship.... It was amazingly comforting. Here's the thing; the feeling was there. Maybe it wasn't love at first sight, but it was as if, yeah, I could see myself spending long hours with this person and growing closer and closer in that couple-y way. At the same time, we can also stay great friends. Maybe that's just because we're both that kind of individual that has that understanding ability to just agree and move on. I would never want to see her gone from my life, anyway.
But, since I never actually saw her from the time she asked me out to the time we broke up (not for lack of trying) I'm not really sure if I should consider this a proper relationship or not. And, if this wasn't an actual, bonafide couple relation, what is it actually like? It's like I've had my first taste of pasta, been told it was fake, and now want some more. I would love to get into another relationship with someone I feel very comfortable with and actually spend face to face time with them.
Then again, that's thinking something I hate - lots of my friends are in love with the idea of having a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and don't actually seem to look for a person to feel love towards. I've never had such a desire to be IN A RELATIONSHIP until now, and it's quite... annoying, trying to figure out how to deal with that. And, considering I don't have many bi friends, I guess I have a little foot up on them in the fact that I'd date either a guy or a girl... though, that's more a thought to make me laugh than actually be serious.
Well, regardless, there's my little moment of pure uncertainty on a page. If anyone wants to comment, note or whatever, either to commiserate or slap me upside the proverbial head, that'd be cool.
(I don't know if I've said all I wanted to say, in the poem, or in this author's comment, but... it'll have to do, because I don't know how to formulate the rest of the lost words floating in the darkened swamp of my mind.)
Comments2
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I think
I have left this too long in my inbox.
For me, never having been in a relationship, I don't think I can relate much. But... yeah. Well. I don't actually know if there's much I can say, in all honesty.
In my group, I'm the asexual, though I've never actually told them that. I think there are only... maybe three people aside from me that I know in real life that know that about me. I don't talk about it much.
I'm kinda fine being outside of a relationship, I don't think I could deal with people in that sort of way in any case. Especially since people I have talked to about asexuality... well, one of them thought it only applied to some kind of creature that lives in the sea, I was too busy laughing to actually work out what he said.
But at the same time, I know what it's like to want to be in - not necessarily a relationship, just to have someone there you know you can turn to. Someone who will just listen and understand and comfort.
I'm antisocial as well, which doesn't help things. I like being on my own. But there's always the moments, normally when I'm deep in despair, that I wish I wasn't.
And hey, I've gone so far off topic I've forgotten what I was wanting to say.
Oh yeah.
Wanting to be in a relationship isn't bad, it's human. I don't think we're meant to be on our own (it's why I laugh about people claiming they're lone wolves - wolves are pack animals as well, they don't survive well on their own). Some fare better than others at it. But it's not a crime to want something more, so long as it doesn't sort of eclipse anything else that might be more important.
And
Yeah. I'm rambling.
Woops.